We broke up. Its been a little over two months. I wish I could hate him, but I don't.
I don't know why I'm choosing to write this, but I felt pushed to put it out there. Its from my journal, its a little emo, so please forgive me.
My heart is in a million pieces.
God will glue it back together, there is nothing more that my own hands can do. I feel like my mind is held captive by my own thoughts, thoughts of sadness and low self worth, thoughts of loneliness and thoughts of wasted time. I want God to take these thoughts captive, to free this prisoner of the ultimate war. I know He will. I know that His grace is sufficient, and that His love is excessive. I know that His eyes see every dark cell in my heart, and that His lips speak truth to the wisps of my soul that I have given over to Him. I pray that He will take the rest. That He will free the rest of my heart,soul, and mind from the weak grasp of my own sore white knuckles. I know that my lust for control and my own wicked will, will not prevail.
I praise Him for His will. For the arms He uses to comfort and console me; For the fingers that He uses to stretch every ounce of my being. Only He can sustain me. Only He can show me how to truly see. Yet somehow He looks upon me and sees righteousness. Somehow He looks upon me and sees beauty. I don't understand it Lord, not even close. But I'll take it.
